To fully comprehend the end of this little story, you must, first and foremost, know that I do NOT like nature. (See previous post...Not a Nature Girl.) During a fun trip with friends to Smith Mountain Lake, a tiny black snake slithered into the kitchen while I was in there getting beverages for everyone, and I pointed at it screaming, "Nature, Nature" at the top of my lungs while simultaneously jumping on the nearest chair. (I did not spill a single drop of adult beverage though!) Before my husband and I got married, I ate venison one time and about puked. I've never seen a dead animal up close and was just fine with that. Do you get how much I dislike nature? OK. Now I can continue.
The day started like every other...get up before the girls, shower, make breakfast and lunch, etc. Then, it went right down the drain.
-both girls cried or whined during the entire ride to preschool (20 minutes)
-drove 10 minutes out of my way to patron a new, snazzy grocery store only to find I'd left my wallet at home. This also means no Starbucks, which I'd been craving all morning. Now I've got a decision to make...get wallet and go grocery shopping at the nasty local store, or postpone that activity in favor of my daily hour-long walk. Ugh. I get cranky when I don't exercise.
-decide to go home to get wallet and get groceries
-ketchup falls out of cart and top breaks. Deli counter employee sees the whole thing, so I can't stealthily switch out defective ketchup with a new one.
-ONE checkout line open for the whole store...baby starts crying her liver out b/c now she's an hour past bottle time
-get home, open tailgate, bag with ketchup falls out onto concrete below...buh-bye ketchup.
-go pick up oldest at preschool and get her very first bad report - hitting and pushing her school buddies. ARGH! Discussion with teacher lasts too long, get home for naptime very late.
-pull into driveway, after listening to baby crying and toddler whining (yet again) and get a call from a friend who would like to stop by on her way to an appt. SURE!
-late naptime results in NO NAP for either girl...subsequent weeping and gnashing of teeth ensues...decide to go for that hour long walk...with iPod to drown out the noise.
-while taking double stroller out of car, I break both thumb nails below the quick...blood everywhere, now sporting twin Dora bandaids.
-while putting the oldest down for bed, husband finally comes home from hunting with blood all over his pants. "Do you want me to rock her to give you a break?" Me: "Not in those pants. Go change and you can take over." Husband: "I need you to help me with something, so I can't change my pants yet." CRAP. All I wanted to do after this hellacious day was take a nice, long, hot shower and drink a beer while watching something mind numbing on TV. Apparently my husband has other plans for me...think back to my dislike of all things nature-related.
I come downstairs from finally getting the toddler in her bed, and I immediately wish I had just stayed upstairs. My husband trudges into the garage dragging a deer by the antlers, creating a blood trail I've seen only on TV shows with CSI or SVU in the title. He cuts part of its leg and puts a rope thought the hole. Then he says to me, "I need you to help me hang him." Um-excuse me? "Just hold the rope tight when I lift him up." Meanwhile, I can't stop staring at its face...it's staring back at me and its tongue is sticking out of the side of its mouth. Like passing by a car accident, I just can't look away! Well, this "quick" event took almost an hour: the deer was too heavy for the hook in the garage and the hook broke, and it took us 30 minutes of creating more blood trails all over the driveway and yard trying to figure out where to hang the dead guy before finally deciding on our pergola in the backyard. So, instead of ending my "awesome" day with a relaxing shower and a beer, I ended up bloody and even more irritated. On the plus side, my helpfulness won me brownie points with my husband and all his huntin' buddies.
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